I can’t remember or find where I read that a few days back. Sorry I’m not able to back link. I am not able to get it off my mind. It was a blog through the eyes of Westerner who was living in Bangalore. She wrote this piece on how women in India always ate last. If they were not cooking, they were washing dishes/ clothes, making tea or not doing something they wanted for the sake of their family (in-laws/husband/children). Now, my mother’s life was almost that. She did work in a government office or was a teacher in the Middle east Indian schools till I , the second born came around. After that, she was forced to quit her job to take care of my sister and me. She did take some tuitions here and there at home but it was never the same I guess. The years flew by. My sister and I are grown women with beautiful daughters. We continue to work after our babies but I work from home and she is moving to part-time from next month to spend more time with her kindergartener. My mom still has remorse over quitting her job though she says her live as a mother was very fulfilling. She would have been an officer during retirement earning a good pension. My dad feels bad that he too had a part in her quitting her job. So that was a sacrifice my mom made for us. Yes, she always ate last or right beside the stove so that we got good hot food. I am in the same shoes now. I eat my dosais right beside the stove now. And now, her (andmy dad’s ) life is mostly about being there for my sister and I when we need them. They visited with us when Babystar was born and though they got royally bored during the terrible snowy winter in Chi-town, they did not complain. They said they were happy to stay with me, HRH and Babystar. I’m sure this is another form of sacrifice. Regardless of what they might be doing otherwise, they gave up their routine for me and my family. That to me is a sacrifice.
Now, I love the close knit nature which I suspect is the case with most of family like ours but is that constricting our lives as well? Life sure is all about sacrifices, acceptances and finding happiness in that but do some sacrifices go beyond what one should have to give up? I am right now at these crossroads where I see myself giving up a lot and trying to make peace with situations. I did not give up much in life as a younger person but I seem to have to/ want to give up more as I approach my 30s. Maybe its the marriage and the real life things happenning to me!
I don’t know if this is only India specific. As a wife/mother, you need to cook and clean and take care of your family. So shouldn’t this life have to be universal? Don’t know.
That’s my rant for the day.
Hey, I don’t agree with your statement, ‘As a wife/mother, you need to cook and clean and take care of your family.’ Today many husbands/fathers pull more than their weight in the house.
but I do agree that the previous generation was more ‘sacrificing’, to use your word for it. That could have been because women had just begun getting out of the houses for jobs and had to do both and well! What you are going through is somewhat similar — it is called the nurturing instinct of women! Just be firm and draw the line if it begins interloping into your private space! Enjoy!
I thought that too until I went for a Thanksgiving dinner at an American friends place last week. The men sat with each other, the women hovered around the kitchen and her mother ate last because she was too busy fretting over everyone else. I realized I do that too. When I host dinners, I don’t eat but I’m having such a good time that I don’t realise it.
It happens everywhere…